(originally published in The Independent in 2008)
Roger Kemp is one of the most amazing and endearing individuals I've ever met. Wait, that's not enough. Let me start over. Roger made me feel like I had known him for years, and he enabled me to feel like I had known Ali, even though I never had the pleasure of meeting her in person. No, still not right. Roger is larger than life and more vulnerable than a baby: I was drawn to his strong/soft, injured/indominatable, husband/father/spokesman spirit – in a way that I've never been drawn to anyone. In short, he is the man he never intended upon becoming. But he is a man that everyone looks up to, and I'm not kidding... everyone.
Kathy and Roger Kemp's world came crashing down on them and their family and friends when Ali was murdered at a Leawood pool in June of 2002. Roger was relentless in finding Ali's killer, and his efforts included a first-ever billboard campaign donated by Lamar Advertising, and run across the country. The sketch of the man they were seeking garnered nation-wide attention, tips, and results.
In a small way, justice was done. The killer was arrested, tried, convicted, and jailed. But the gaping hole in Roger and Kathy's lives wasn't getting any smaller. Immediately Roger set about finding a way to honor Ali and keep her death from fading away as newsprint does. It is an easy phrase to speak, "I don't want my daughter's death to be in vain." But Roger put action behind the phrase, as well as some pent-up energy stemming from anger and disappointment, and got to work. Before the year 2004 was over, the Kemp family had established The Ali Kemp Educational Foundation.
T.A.K.E. was formed in partnership with Johnson County Park and Recreation District and in cooperation with Blue Valley Recreation Commission and Leawood Park and Recreation. More than 32,000 girls and women ages 12 and older have been trained with free hands-on self-defense training. T.A.K.E. Defense carries its message and training across the United States each year to colleges and universities such as Kansas University, University of Missouri, Kansas State University, University of Miami, Vanderbilt University, Southern Methodist University, Texas Christian University, University of Wisconsin and more. T.A.K.E. Defense Training has been featured on America's Most Wanted, ABC's 20/20 and CBS Prime Time, along with numerous local and regional news casts. Our goal is clear, as said by Roger at each program, "If we can save one life out there, I don't care what it costs; this whole program will be worth it."
T.A.K.E. Defense Training provides girls and women of all ages with unique reality-based, hands-on self-defense training. Such training provides safety awareness that everyone needs and deserves. And the way that the classes are presented is the truly unique part. Volunteers teach hundreds of girls, high school age and college age, in large groups in their own schools. T.A.K.E. comes to them in their environment and brings all the tools of the trade to teach girls how to defend themselves in a violent situation. Roger and his friend, Jill Leiker, who is in charge of all the classes and the curriculum, say that they have reached more girls than any other self-defense class because they go to the girls, and make it convenient and compelling.
I was able to witness Roger and Jill at work at Blue Valley West High School one morning, as they gathered about 150 sleepy, coffee-toting high schoolers. Roger talked about Ali, the foundation, and the reason they were all in the gym together. Jill talked about what the class was going to be like and what the girls would take away from it. Then, Jill's husband, Bob, also part of the team, started asking the Blue Valley West girls with Starbucks cups in their hands if they had noticed a certain man at the coffee shop. Bob asked for details... what was he wearing, how tall was he, where did he stand in line? The girls' answers might as well have been describing Ali, herself. They knew nothing of the man in Starbucks. The instructor went on to describe him in detail. He was six foot, five inches tall, he was wearing a Chiefs jacket, he had brown hair, and he kept shifting his place in line. Bob was convinced the man wasn't really there to buy coffee. The gym with 150 girls was silent.
All the self-defense training in the world doesn't substitute for being aware of one's surroundings. Lesson number one. Look around. Be aware. Take mental notes. Don't be paranoid, but do be conscious of where you are. It might save your life. And, really the whole crux of the classes that T.A.K.E. presents is this... if you are aware, you might be able to avoid a potentially dangerous situation. But, if awareness isn't enough, equip yourself with the skills it takes to save your own life.
Roger and the investigators in Ali's case are all convinced that Ali put up a good fight. There was evidence to prove it, and Roger knows his own daughter. But, if she had possessed just a few more critical skills to take her attacker down, maybe the situation would have turned out differently. Roger's hope is that another father will not be standing in Roger's shoes someday. That daughter will tell police and family about how her attacker acted, looked, and tried to take her down. Then she'll triumphantly describe how she kicked him, poked him, put the moves on him, and took HIM down. Roger also hopes that that family will never have to resort to billboards.
The other activity that T.A.K.E. is engaged in is a delightful combination of girls, prom dresses and a fashion show. Ali's Runway is an annual prom fashion show and a self-defense class wrapped into one fun, educational event. First, there's a showcase of the latest prom dress designs by Alfred Angelo, provided by Natalie M's of Overland Park, and modeled by area high school students. After the runway show, everyone is invited to take part in an actual T.A.K.E. Defense Training session. Nearly every high school in the area has participated, and continues to participate in this wonderful bonding experience.
I honestly don't know how Roger does it, but he manages to inspire people of all ages as he presents his story over and over. He must be exhausted and exhilarated at the same time, every morning. He has created a real legacy for Ali, one that keeps the serious topic of self defense in front of women all over the United States, and one that lets girls have some fun with some great fashions. I'm convinced that Ali is by Roger's side in each and every class and she is so proud of what he's done in her name. Roger and Kathy may have lost the hopes and dreams they had for their beautiful daughter, but they are making hopes and dreams come true for others by moving forward every day. I am in awe of Roger Kemp. I am in awe of the relationship that he and Ali had and still have.
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